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Read More The dad uniform: because somewhere between mowing the lawn and grilling burgers, fashion waved the white flag
Read More I have no idea what “Angry Octopus Cries Sugar Happiness” is, but I’m definitely buying it
Read More His rest stop became a meet and greet
Read More Maybe he read it as: “Private property? No! PARKING!
Read More Domaine de la Romanée-Conti was already taken
Read More 🎶 Straight outta Michelob ULTRA Arena 🎶
Read More I also learned to wait a few extra minutes before your ride to fully charge your phone
Read More Next up — Sprouts for our Temu returns
Read More That’s discrimination… they should give the discount to everyone
Read More The phone wasn’t running slow — it was just overwhelmed with wisdom
Read More Sheriff, I regret to inform you… the thermometer didn’t survive the quick draw.
Read More Add “Bernard Goetz”and you could have a limerick
Read More Just like the Flintstones’ garbage disposal said: “It’s a living”
Read More he doesn’t have the refined taste of his mother
Read More He still loves the honey mustard and B.O.B.

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It would be a great metaphor if he wasn’t being so darn literal
None shall sleep!
Domaine de la Romanée-Conti was already taken
What good is a bright smile if I’m not awake to enjoy it?
I’m sure the burning smell is nothing to worry about

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