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Not sure what we would have done if we found the perp

Although she was probably relieved that I was not in the middle of a “no wash” winning streak

Gene Kelly’s musical work would have been more appropriate, but, alas, I cannot dance.

I had to, therefore, also explain RC Cola — the Switzerland of the wars

It felt more like a flying PowerPoint presentation

I hope it does not affect my eligibility

I knew it might be a problem when my best man announced the final score of the Penn State game as part of his speech.

Alas, poor Yorick! He never found his seat, but he died trying.

with each drink my nonsense sounded more profound

But I’m very young in Wookie Years

Goose²

It’s almost as if I intentionally left the Ritz behind for Tina to bring just so I could tell that joke

I don’t pay attention to my car’s speedometer either

It’s not left vs right — it’s wrong vs louder

Next time, I’m suggesting a “break” that involves air-conditioning and snacks

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