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But I’m very young in Wookie Years

Goose²

It’s almost as if I intentionally left the Ritz behind for Tina to bring just so I could tell that joke

It’s not left vs right — it’s wrong vs louder

Next time, I’m suggesting a “break” that involves air-conditioning and snacks

Like going to a concert and the band hands you an aux cable

Let the fools have their avo toast

He did not know his mom’s number, so he suggested we call mine

International Man of Leisure

Any shade will do

Free shipping is when you buy things you don’t want so you can feel like a genius for not paying to ship the one thing you actually needed.

… and don’t call me Shirley

Keg-Stands: Where gravity meets bad decisions

“Exhausted” is worth 19 points

Don’t even get me started on what happened when I requested, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”

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