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  • I had to use an early draft — before it got all racistI had to use an early draft — before it got all racist
  • Chicken and Stars and a Corona would have seemed appropriateChicken and Stars and a Corona would have seemed appropriate
  • I almost felt like I should withdraw because of a conflict of interestI almost felt like I should withdraw because of a conflict of interest
  • which I’ve now used more than Black’s Law Dictionarywhich I’ve now used more than Black’s Law Dictionary
  • Autocorrect is offering some insightAutocorrect is offering some insight
van halen diver down scuba

For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge still escapes me

One hand washes the … oh, never mind

text message that ℞ prescription is ready at cvs wallgreens

A narcissist walks into a pharmacy…

The rest of the joke doesn’t matter.

used a flashlight in my closet the light was out

How many lawyers does it take to screw in (up?) a lightbulb …

Tambourine at Shabbat services

🎶 I had a little tambourine… that couldn’t keep the beat… 🎶

accidentally popped the trunk

From a kitten’s book of etiquette, this lesson I take You don’t have to be embarrassed when you make a mistake You pull yourself together, and you brush off your hat, And tell the watching crowd, “you know, I meant to do that!”

movie theater soda pop

concierge service when you spend $9 a soda

air fryer totinos pizza rolls

Chef Jeno would be proud

painted the bathroom

Never had to decide between satin and semigloss on my birthday before

boyscout camp

“ A Scout is … clean[ish]” or We should have used this as an opportunity to teach him how to make a loofa out of a pinecone and some mud

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