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  • Bill S. Preston, Esq.Bill S. Preston, Esq.
  • We should have asked if dinner was includedWe should have asked if dinner was included
  • If it quacks like a racist duck…If it quacks like a racist duck…
  • I promised myself I wouldn’t break fast at a warehouse club … againI promised myself I wouldn’t break fast at a warehouse club … again
  • The readers of Facebook may not appreciate it but at least I made myself chuckleThe readers of Facebook may not appreciate it but at least I made myself chuckle

Nike Air OCD

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“But I took her away from all that and now she works for me. My name is Steve Austin, astronaut, a man barely alive”

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Next recital I will request to play “Johnny One-Note”

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Ironically, it was an Australian bottle with a twist cap.

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That tangy zip you taste is lead

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I thought the cookies had a slight lead aftertaste

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The fact that it was more festive was just an added benefit.

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I don’t believe in stereotypes. I prefer to hate people on a more personal basis

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“it’s not a diet … it’s a Tim Tam”

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I don’t think I’m cheating (on my diet) if the food is Australian

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